Epiphany

You love me. I can literally see you bewildered face, but keep on reading. You accept me and my moods, thoughts without hesitation, judgement or trying to fix them. But even more than acceptance you are here, and you stay here; without expecting anything – and to be honest, at the moment there isn’t a lot to expect from me anyway. Without me having to keep the balance in any relationship, being responsible for the happiness of others, having to score the highest, having to achieve anything at all and, the hardest part for me, without being of help to you.

You are here. Even though I said horrible things when you put your trust in me. Even though you wouldn’t call it by the same name, but to me this is love. It is love when I can say, I see you for who you are, and I appreciate you for it – not despite but because of your flaws and edges.

As long as I can say, I love you, it gives a sense of meaning to my life, to life in general. Some people, some things are meaningful to me because I choose them to be of importance and of impacting my being.

Yes, it is a subjective meaning and limited in space and time. As soon as I am no more this meaning is gone. But maybe that is okay.

Don’t worry I’m still confused about most people; they still don’t make any sense to me and I am horrified of what being human includes… But if you feel that you can’t see the silver lining; that it is all worthless I am here to tell you: I can clearly see that you have an impact on my life. If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be here, in this spot at this moment.

It might not be what you have hoped for, but voilà – you give meaning to my life. And if you are such a person for me, I might be able to be the same for others too.

 

(Istanbul 2012)

 

 

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