At the doorstep of the arena – dialogue
I am not really there. Even if; everthing remains silent. Everthing apart from my own voices which tell me stories like “it is all going to be fine”, “we don’t know you any differently”, “well, it is your own decision”, “if you want to talk about something you have to tell me”.
I am not in the arena, because the arena doesn’t exist; except in mind. I cannot enter. There is no door to go through. So where to start?
With my voices. The only critics that exist; in this battlefield without soldiers, without an army, without gladiators. It is no duel. I am struggling with myself.
As so often, as previously.
You are worth it. That is the most simplistic message and yet, the most horrific one. Just like that: I am worth it. However, not in my universe. Again myself, only myself. It is up to me. I have had enough of this already. It all boils down to the core insight: I am in power. I am the creator of my life.
it is okay to doubt sometimes. I understand that you feel tired, exhausted and broken from too many “not again”-moments. I will hold you tight until you find the strength to look up again and see and know what you have known for quite some time now: you are worth it. Every second, every smile, every handshake, every shooting star, every hour on the phone, every song on the radio, every drop of rain, every shared piece of chocolate, every blurry picture, every minute sitting in silence and stillness. You are worth it. And you will find: it is not a burden, but a gift. You are the creator of your life. And you know already howit could look like in all shapes and colours…